Dave Wiedis, Copyright 2014
Expertise in pastoral counseling has shed light on a sad and uncomfortable fact: Pastors and ministry leaders struggle with the same temptations and sinful inclinations as “lay” people.
Fundamentally, we long to have pastors who:
Are filled with unwavering faith
Have model marriages and families
Provide strong leadership
Deliver excellent expository preaching
And more
Yet, the reality is that our pastoral leaders are human, and they struggle just like the rest of us.
Ultimately, pastors expend much energy and effort to meet and exceed those expectations. Even so, they often fall short and then find it difficult to admit when they need help. More, they struggle to find a safe place to get help. Pastoral counseling offers this type of outlet.
This is especially true because pastors are accustomed to being the ones to whom people turn to for help. They are the “experts” in the “helping” role. They are supposed to “know better.”
So, just like many of us, the needs of pastors often don’t get adequately met.
Unfortunately, lack of pastoral counseling can have serious effects. There are severe consequences for the church when ministry leaders do not get the help they need. Pastors in this situation can often do some of the following.
Engage in the dangerous cycle of “masking and medicating”
Experiencing difficult issues and internal pain in ministry contexts where the pastoral leader is supposed to “have it all together.” This can cause pastors to hide their pain from others. Pastoral counseling can help bring that to light.
This often leads to masking over the problem and then medicating emotionally to feel better. There are many unhealthy channels, including:
Pornography
Masturbation
Sexual misconduct
Abusive Alcohol use
Drug use
These are some tempting and easy sources of temporary ‘medication’ of emotional pain.
Yet, medicating in these ways always comes with consequences that affect pastors’ health, marriages, family, and ministry resilience. Pastoral counseling has been revealed to greatly assist.
Lose touch with the reality that God is the one who sanctifies (1 Thessalonians 5:24)
Struggling alone in a ministry context often leads to a cycle of over-working which leads to more struggling.
The line between God’s sanctifying work within the heart of the ministry leader and their own internal pressures to demonstrate competency becomes blurred. Pastoral counseling assists in balancing this internal pressure.
They may continue to proclaim that they have been saved by grace. But, emotionally, they may not always experience this grace for themselves.
Strive to maintain their identity as the “successful leader” by engaging in ministry-related activities rather than finding their identity in Christ.
This striving cycle can serve the purpose of maintaining a pastoral persona. This persona temporarily wards off those debilitating feelings of failure and insecurity that are always at their heels.
This makes it exceedingly hard to enjoy God’s refreshing, healing presence. Pastoral counseling sheds light on the greatness and goodness of God.
Like Martha, they continue to engage in activities of service in which they are “doing.” They do this rather than “being” in the refreshing and healing presence of God (Luke 10).
Develop subtle ways of running from suffering rather than healthy ways of moving through their suffering
Pastoral ministry necessarily involves suffering because it requires being in relationships with people who themselves have been wounded.
The pain and constant disappointment that comes from receiving criticism, rejection, and betrayal can be excruciating in ministry contexts.
Sadly, persons receiving training for ministry often do not have a corresponding training in managing their own emotional life. Even more, in managing the emotional lives of others.
Our ministry leaders, in time, can go on to experience symptoms of burnout and compassion fatigue (secondary traumatic stress disorder). This takes hold as they experience profound suffering in the workplace.
So, what can pastors and their congregations do to address these ministry hazards?
Pastors and their congregants must not operate in denial. They must honestly face the reality that being in ministry is difficult, and can be detrimental to the health of the pastor and his family.
The church must recognize that a pastor is, first and foremost, a human being. That comes with emotional, social, spiritual, and physical limitations and needs. Pastoral counseling can assist in this realization for a pastor or ministry leader
They must realize that unless these needs are wisely and competently addressed, the pastor, the pastor’s family, and the congregation will suffer.
Pastors greatly benefit from the grace-infused encouragement of trusted friends and family. This encouragement engages them in wise self-care and wise stewardship of the ministry that Christ has called them to.
Paradoxically, congregations must learn to “invest” in the life of their pastor and family. This is done just as the pastor has “invested” in the life of the church. Pastoral counseling is an excellent way for a pastor or congregation to make that emotional investment.
This means that congregations will invest in:
Consistent prayer for their ministry leaders
Sensitivity to the pressures that their ministry leaders face
Commitment to their ministry leaders having the time to rest and take periodic sabbaticals
Holding realistic, attainable expectations upon the ministry leaders
In these ways, our pastors and ministry leaders can then experience a deepening of emotional and spiritual health that they need to thrive and flourish.