Family

Unexpected Joy in the Challenges of Being "Pastor’s Wife"

Copyright Erin Bahbah 2025

If you had asked my 16-year or even 21-year old self if I would be willing to marry someone called to the ministry, you probably would have gotten a blank stare. Sure why not…I had no real grasp of what that would mean—the sacrifices, the pressures, the unique kind of strength it would require. But as it became a potential reality, I began to see how ministry life wasn’t exactly admired or desired by many of the Christians I knew. 

Because I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, I did not have visions of what becoming a pastor’s wife would be like. I had no framework for how vocational ministry could affect (read: will effect) marriage and family. 

As I look back over the years, I can confirm that the challenges are real and unique, but behind each of those challenges, there has been unexpected joy.  I haven’t figured it all out, but as these challenges continue to surface, each one teaches me something deeper about grace, surrender, and the quiet strength God provides.

One of the quieter griefs in ministry life is the rhythm of moving. Each new church, each new town, requires letting go—even if it wasn’t yet a familiar place, the hope of settling, of having familiar streets and favorite coffee shops, and the hope of being deeply known. Starting over again and again stretches your heart in ways you can’t imagine. But over time, I’ve learned that God’s faithfulness does not just go ahead of us to prepare a place for us; He goes behind us as well, keeping us connected to people all over the country. However, the ache of transition never fully disappears.

Ministry doesn’t happen in regular office hours. My husband is often meeting with people before or after their work days, or sometimes hosting evening classes and weekend events. These can blur the lines between church life and home life. Finding the right balance to this schedule requires intentional boundaries and a whole lot of prayer.

Perhaps one of the more hidden challenges is the subtle ache of loneliness. Not from a lack of people, but from the complexity of roles and boundaries. I’ve had to learn where it’s safe to be fully myself, and to cherish the rare gift of true, unguarded friendship when and where they come. 

An unexpected joy wraps the challenges altogether through quiet moments of transformation. God has knit our hearts together with people we would have never met had we not said yes to each and every church we have been a part of, the odd hours, the constant moves, and the loneliness. There is something sacred about seeing a soul begin to heal, to hope, to believe again. And those glimpses of God at work in others have stirred something deep in me: a quiet awe and a deep gratitude for the invitation to be near holy ground.

Why Can’t I Hear the Angels Sing? The Twelve Labors of Christmas

Why Can’t I Hear the Angels Sing? The Twelve Labors of Christmas

Dr. Penny Freeman, Originally published December 2016 Sharithomas.org

  1. List everything you think people in your life want that will bring them ultimate joy.

  2. Try to find these items cheaper (anywhere) by checking all the search engines and local merchants within a five-mile radius.

  3. Stop and drag out all the decorating stuff. Trim the tree to surprise your spouse. Put all the boxes away to keep house tidy.

  4. Maintain a good attitude.

The Contractions of Winter

The Contractions of Winter

Dr. Penny Freeman, Originally published December 2016

Holidays set the bar high for crashing afterwards. We long for a feast that invites us to feel both full and at home. To enter a house feeling the welcome of belonging. To hope for laughter, warmth, joy and delicious food (that is what commercials are selling during the televised breaks during the parade after all). 

To hold these feelings is to enjoy the glory we were created for in Paradise. But no matter how good your family is, there is no family or food that can live up to the expectations our souls seem to crave.

The Accidental Legalist

The Accidental Legalist

Dave Wiedis, Copyright 2010, 2017

Have you ever come across as rigid, legalistic, or even weird, when your intent was the exact opposite?  Have you ever impetuously said things that are misunderstood by your family and friends, or in a public setting and watched your credibility undermined?  

When my children were about ten and twelve I walked in on them as they were watching a seemingly innocuous show on the Disney Channel.  Believing that I was a wise, discerning father, my spiritual antenna went up. I scanned the dialogue intently for any hint of immorality, or for some comment that I believed would plant a dark seed into the innocent, undiscerning hearts of my children. Hearing a very subtle comment condoning premarital sex, I made my pronouncement:  “This show is insidious.  I don’t want you watching such filth.”

Some in the Christian world would admire my ability to discern the secular worldview in the subtle comment.  Some would applaud my diligence in guarding the hearts of my children.  Today, with years of experience and the benefits of hindsight, I would say I acted foolishly....