Is someone you love planning an upcoming return from the mission field? Perhaps you are preparing to welcome a missionary family back to your congregation or an adult child back home from a season abroad. Returning from an extended time overseas can be deeply challenging for both the missionary and the family (or church family) receiving them.

In my last blog post, I discussed five tips I wished someone had shared with me while I transitioned back into American culture after living in Italy for two years. In this post, I speak primarily to those of you receiving loved ones back – whether family members, friends, or members of your congregations. May these suggestions empower you to best connect with loved ones during the difficulties of re-entry and set you apart as a source of support.

Resist the urge to ask “How was your trip?” and ask specific, open-ended questions instead.

While your loved one had to travel to get to the mission field, mid-term or long-term missionaries don’t consider themselves “on a trip.” On the contrary, upon landing, they immediately start working very diligently to acquire the local language, meet their neighbors, and help their kids integrate into schools. In other words, they weren’t in vacation mode. They actually lived somewhere for two years, five years, ten years, etc., and their mission field was their home, their everyday life.

You’d be surprised how commonly I was greeted with expressions like, “How was your trip?” and I found it nearly impossible to answer.

Well, there were days I cried from exhaustion and days I celebrated great accomplishments. I experienced both seasons of hardship and miraculous answers to prayer. I worked for the ministry full time, had friends I’d meet up with for dinner, led Bible studies and prayer meetings in the evenings, paid bills, attended weddings, and had Italian doctor appointments. So which aspect of life would you like to hear about first? It’s hard to sum it up quickly.

If you find yourself unsure of how to connect with returning missionaries, try asking specific questions that help your returned missionary debrief what they saw and experienced. *Practical Tip: Try to stay away from superlatives (i.e. the best food, the funniest language mistake, etc.) as they add a lot of extra pressure to the person responding. I suggest posing open-ended questions like the ones below:

What were some unique foods that you ate there?
What was the neighborhood like where you lived?
Who were some of your closest friends? How did you meet them? Could you show me pictures of them?
What was your church like?
What were some things that brought you joy about the culture?
Tell me about an answer to prayer you saw.

By your willingness to ask open-ended questions, you will be an invaluable gift during re-entry. In this way, you act as a non-judgmental sounding board and a safe place for your loved one to begin unpacking everything they saw, felt, and experienced.

2. Give your returning missionary the gift of an open mind when they describe cultural differences they observed overseas.

While reintegrating back into the US, I remember sharing my observations on cultural differences with those who had never left the country. During those first few months back, I was shocked that people would frequently respond to my observations by either implying or outright reminding me that the American way is obviously the best way.

While carrying out a specific task or approaching a social situation in a particular way may seem undoubtedly correct to you, these distinctions will likely not be as black and white to someone who not only learned about, but also had to adopt, different practices while in their host country. Returning missionaries can probably share dozens of pros/cons about both cultures and will likely have an appreciation for both. It could come across as insensitive to assume that they’re going to be on board with the American approach being the best one (even if it’s how they operated before leaving).

When your returned missionary mentions how a procedure as simple as ordering coffee or waiting in line at the post office was done differently in their host country, it doesn’t mean they’re saying it was done better there. Their minds are simply grappling with how the same task can be done so differently when different values and social norms are at stake. They may have to reorient how to approach scenarios that are second-nature to you (or that used to be second-nature to them) and possibly even re-learn what’s considered “normal” or “acceptable” again.

If you find yourself tempted to say or think, “That’s strange,” when your loved one describes a cultural difference, try asking “Oh, really? What’s their reason for doing it that way?” You might be surprised by the underlying values at play.

3. Make an effort to connect with your returning missionary as they learn to articulate themselves in English again.

Although English may have been your returning missionary’s first language, after speaking a foreign language for such an extended season, it can be hard for them to find the right words. If they spoke English at all while abroad, it was likely extremely simplified. With that, colloquial phrases could be difficult to access as well. Give your loved one the gift of patience as they search for the right words, and commend them for fully immersing themselves in another language.

I’ll never forget being at Produce Junction with my dad a few weeks following my return and exclaiming “Finocchio!” (pronounced like Pinocchio but with an f) in the vegetable aisle when I saw fresh fennel on sale. Even though we have fennel in the US, I had never really eaten it before moving and totally fell in love with it in Italy. Not only that, but my memories of eating finocchio were closely tied to endless picnic memories with my absolute dearest friends overseas. (Can you see why I was so excited in the vegetable aisle that day?)

My dad could have dryly replied with “We call it ‘fennel’ here,” but he met me in that excited state of nostalgia. Instead, he asked “Oh, is that how you say ‘fennel’ in Italian?”

It’s been five years since I returned, and although he doesn’t speak Italian, he still makes it a point to use the word “finocchio” around me. When I pop over for a visit he’ll often say with a grin “Help yourself to some finocchio in the fridge.”

Is there an easy word you can use around your loved one? It sounds simple but could mean so much to them. I’m not sure my dad knows how deeply it touches my heart to hear finocchio again, but I smile each time he says it.

Receiving loved ones back from the mission field can feel challenging, because they may not seem quite the same as when they left. It may be startling when your returning missionaries react differently to American culture, struggle with the English language, or approach everyday aspects of life with new perspectives. However, it is important to remember that you didn’t lose your friend or family member. They are still who you know and love. You can be a safe place for them as you enter into their experiences with open-ended questions, honor what they have learned, and appreciate the new language they have acquired.

If you or your congregation would like more support in helping missionaries debrief and/or transition back from the mission field, the team at ServingLeaders is here to help. We have counselors on staff who have experienced the difficulties of re-entry, and Missionary Care & Counseling Associates, Carl and Caroline Kishbaugh, who are available to provide care, counseling, personal debriefing, and consultations for member care workers and leadership seeking to develop counseling and crisis response protocols, child safety strategies, sexual wholeness initiatives, and more.

This post is Part 2 of a two-part series about re-entry from the mission field. In Part I, Esther shares five tips on re-entry for missionaries returning from the field.

Esther Yoder is the Assistant Operations Manager for ServingLeaders. She earned her BA in Communication from West Chester University and spent 10+ years engaged in Process Improvement efforts, National Events and Program Management, and HR Operations within corporate, startup, nonprofit, and overseas mission contexts. Esther is dedicated to building systems and strategies that promote efficiency and position teams for optimal sustainability and scalability. She serves on the leadership team at her church and is passionate about languages, travel, and fostering deep relational connections. Esther has been to 49 of the 50 states and has spent time in over 30 countries (and counting!).